Following the Lead

I was scanning a message board I sometimes visit. One of the single ladies made the statement that she's heard a lot of recently married women say, "If only I had known..." and then asked for input from older married women about the things they learned the hard way. She got some sound advice. My unedited (and no where exhaustive) thoughts are below.

I love Martha Peace's advice from The Excellent Wife (paraphrased):

When something goes wrong in your relationship, figure out what your part in it is or was and then take 100% percent responsibility to fix and/or change it. Do this even if you are only minimally responsible.

I think it was CS Lewis that said something to the effect of:

"Go into marriage with your eyes wide open and thereafter, half shut." The implication being to overlook little offenses that are not sin.

My advice (which isn't anywhere near as good...):

Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house, i.e. don't whine, meditate or brood about his bad habits if you have them as well - and assuming you don't have bad habits is just plain arrogance. I don't know anyone who doesn't irritate someone else, somehow. Some of us just have a natural talent for it.

It takes two to Tango. Dance your part in the relationship. It is not your husband's responsibility to keep you happy, fill your social calendar or wash the dishes. It is his responsibility to love you, provide for you & lead you in the way God would have him. It is your part to submit, run the house and support him. It is not his job to apologize first if it was you who were unreasonable - it might not be his job at all.

I love Antonio Banderas's line in Take the Lead* where he tells the girls that it takes as much courage and strength to follow as it does to lead. (They were complaining that the guys got to lead.) It DOES take as much, if not more courage to submit and follow. It will be hard. You will have to sacrifice a lot (for some, mostly pride) or at least it will feel like you are sacrificing a lot at first. BUT you need to remember you are NOT trusting your husband to make the right decisions - you're trusting GOD that he gets your husband where he needs to be. Embracing that concept makes following so much easier.

* [Note: Take the Lead has a lot of language because of the NYC public school setting. It's not a family movie, although there are good lessons about engaging kids to make right choices and Banderas's character explains how dancing helps teach respect to the opposite sex. There is definitely immodest clothing and sexuality, although no outright sex. It is based on a true story and there is an incredible Tango scene. :) ]