Back in October of 2007 I wrote about the videos Jennie and Stacy put together for their Passionate Housewives book. (If you still haven't seen them, I encourage you to do so.) The following May, during a crazy week of brunch prep, an anonymous commenter left quite a rebuke because of what I wrote in that post. Her wrath was especially directed towards my statement about giving up my daily quiet time with God. While I'm quite a bit late in my response, I still feel as though I should address it.
In essence, the commenter was angered and saddened by my comments (and Stacy's) about abandoning quiet time. And yet, Stacy and I "have found hundreds if not thousands of hours of free time to blog to your heart's content and write books." And questioned "Is your relationship with God less important than your 'me' time?" Her parting thoughts were: "Are your children truly seeing God first in your life if you aren't even willing to set aside time to nurture this precious, eternal relationship? Please rethink your priorities!"
This (I'm presuming) woman has very legitimate concerns and asks excellent questions! Is God a priority in my life and do my children see my relationship with God? I hope that if she knew me personally she wouldn't have to wonder! I also hope she's asking the same questions of the women in leadership at her church, peers in her Bible study and even of herself. As Christian women, we need to make sure our focus is on correct, biblical things.
First thing's first, I do not currently and have never advocated abandoning Bible reading and study, rejected prayer or discounted the importance of a daily relationship with God. Each is necessary and essential to the Christian faith. My problem is with the implementation currently taught in churches and Christian ministries everywhere.
What I am advocating, and I think Stacy might be too, is overthrowing the legalistic practice of "quiet time." While the Church pridefully denounces legalism, with its next breath, it turns around and legalistically imposes the practice of quiet time, inflicting great guilt on all those who fall short of the "ideal" model. While we need to encourage each other to be in the Word and communion with God, I don't think we're following a biblical model to accomplish either. In the long run, I think we're hurting the church.
Secondly, after being a wife, mother and serving in the local church, I write because I am have a heart for it and am gifted by God to do so. I write out of love for God. It is an act of worship and ministry and service to the Church. It's Titus 2 mentoring, if you will. My children know this.
What I write is part of our family ministry. Just like the children help with the women's groups I host locally and the brunches I plan, they are part of my online writing ministry too. They offer ideas, help around the house and pray for my readers - yes, all of you. When I was hit with some serious health issues in the past year, I did not abandon my family to write. I pretty much stopped writing and focused my energies at home.
When my children were younger, I spent years where I didn't complete one article and scribbled no more than a dozen sentences. Now I'm in a different season of life. I have older helpers that leave me time to write, mentor and encourage. Should God bless us with more children, I may very well give up writing again. Should I fall down the stairs or get another brain injury, you can be sure I'll stop blogging again. But each of those situations is for God, Rich and I to decide upon when the time comes. And for inquiring minds, my husband supports my writing endeavors - even to the point of personally spending over 200 hours programming last year's CWP redesign.
The final objection I'll share was the question of "Have you also integrated your time with your husband throughout the day in place of one on one time?" The answer to that is yes! You'll find us laughing in the kitchen while I'm making supper, smooching in the office while watching a movie with the kids and talking in bed after we turn out the lights. Just like I don't put God in a box where I only show up at 7 o'clock to read his word and pray, I also don't tell my husband the only time I can spend time with him is at 5 in the morning. I have a real, living relationship with both of them that ebbs and flows through out the day and year.
Even though I have never, ever come close to suggesting that we should abandon our relationship with God, people will read and think what they will. Don't give up talking to God, loving him, studying his word or teaching it to your children. Take advantage of the quieter moments to speak from your heart. He knows that quiet isn't always a decibel level.
4 Nice Notes:
Dear Janel,
Thank you for such grace and wisdom in your answer. In my regimented years, I think I often left God at my kitchen table while I went about my life. I believe we are much more connected now as I do all kinds of things with Him beside just have a study lesson. I find He likes to correct me as I go. I tend to give Him many teachable moments :)
Blessings,
Elaine
Elaine, when I used to make myself do the quiet time thing, I too left him at the kitchen table more than I'd like to confess.
Thank you!
Your anonymous commenter should also realize that not everyone has the same organizational style. Some people might be inclined to let their relationships fall by the wayside entirely if they don't specifically schedule that time. Meanwhile, others are more likely to stagnate if they make it a rigidly scheduled slot. Those in the first category probably shouldn't give up "quiet times," as we know them! But those in the second would probably do well to do so. Maybe your commenter falls into the first category and therefore doesn't realize that not all of us have personalities like hers.
I completely agree Rachel! Thanks for your clarifying comment!!
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